so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
