So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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