She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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