Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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