Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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