The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
