Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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