I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
