I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize