He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
