i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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