I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
