Plan B is the new Plan A
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
