8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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