So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
