Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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