I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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