i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
