Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
