You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
