do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
