FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
