I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
