Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
