Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
