May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
