When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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