But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
