Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
