the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
