Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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