I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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