Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You're like the curious george of whores
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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