I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
this hospital has no fireball
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
