I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
How does one acquire holy water?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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