a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
