I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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