you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
