Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
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When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
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Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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