It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
