Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize