If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
