So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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