She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm always down for nudity.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
