I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
