your room smells of hookers.
And success
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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