we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
