she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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