it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
