Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
