I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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