why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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