I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
There's even glitter on my cock...
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