so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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