I just made out with a guy for $7.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
