How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize