I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
