Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
There are leaves in my underwear?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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