omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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