I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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