shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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