I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
