6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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