I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
