so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
