eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Vodka?
Forever.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
