yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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