Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
