She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Green mimosas i think yes
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
