I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
