shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
ok first of all what the fuck
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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