I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
