In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
