operation harelip BJ is a go
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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