dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
