How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
